My Lighthouse

In the darkest of times, Allah lights up our paths by lighthouses. They'll still be there, inshaAllah, even when you can't see them. Even when you can't reach out to them...even when the entire world stands up a barrier between your lighthouse and yourself. You still see their light, you still feel their warmth and you still truely pray for them to keep shining...to keep lighting up our paths...even when you don't see them...

لو جيت و شلت ايديك، الصورة تتفركش.

“كل الحاجات حواليك...

ف الكادر سانده عليك....

لو جيت وشلْت اديك....

الصورة تتفركش ….

ضلك على الحيطه ….

كان خافي عنها النور ….

وطلّعها بتنغمش...

كفك على السفره...

من غيره كان إزاي...

مفرشها يتكرمش ؟..

بصمة صباع إيدك...

لسّاها ع الشبابيك...

ميت ألف تفصيله...

ملهاش وجود غير بيك..

وإنتا عليك تختار...

حتبدّي مين على مين ؟..

وتبدّي إيه على إيه ؟..

الجاي والجايين ؟

وللا اللي خدت عليه ؟

أصل الحياه للعلم..

مفهاش حاجات ببلاش..

وعشان ماتصبح فيلم...

وأصلا عشان تتعاش..

كادر الحياه المشحون...

فرح والم وشجون..

لازم يكون
بيلف....

لازم يكون….
بيدور..


يتقل عليك ويخف..

ويعشّمك بالنور..

ف نهاية المشوار..."

Serenity :)

I must note the fact that my heart is simply pounding away too much serenity that can't but drench my cells in this very tranquil medium...
AlhmduleAllah...
اللهم أدمها من نعمة و احفظها من الزوال.

I Wonder

Sometimes I can't help wondering how lovely it must be being in paradise.

I mean for real, imagine a place the sole reason for its existence is to please you. A place studded with all that which satisfies one's body and soul. Unimaginable much? Yeah. This is what makes heaven even more heavenly. It's the fact that no matter how much effort you put into imagining, you just won't be anywhere close to the real thing. This little thought makes my insides swell with contentment for inshaAllah ,one day, I pray paradise will be my eternal residence.

I Wish I Had Known

I wish I had known how liberating it was, being a little child.
No worries, no cries.
No aspirations, no hopes put high.
People? I have my own world, I don't need them anyway.
Selfishness won't let me feel others pains, but isn't it best to merely feel your own?
I wish I had known...
I would have seized every second.
Built up castles in the air and smoked them away.
Played under the rain, praying that forever it rains.
Found out a way to remain forever underage.
I wish I had known before I got here...

Lessons Along the Way

This little thing has multiple congenital anomalies. TGA, kidney and other visceral anomalies.
He's arrested three times in a row. The chief resident walks in, "don't resuscitate again if he goes into another arrest", she snaps.
A few minutes later and he's turning blue with both his breath and heart rate dropping down in a blur.
The little baby dies. A few of those attending try to CPR him, but to no avail
His mum walks in, as if she's felt it coming:
"Ahmed, these are his ECG results, when is gonna leave with me, doctor?" She pushes his investigation papers to me b
"Umm, Ahmed? Well..."
I gesture to another doctor to come over.
"Look here, he came to us with a failing heart, my dear. We did all we could have done" she says casting her eyes down in an attempt of commiseration.

Now the mother's reaction struck me speechless. She smiles and mutters:

"انا لله و انا اليه راجعون،
ربنا هو اللي ادهولي و انا اكيد مش ارحم به منه"

""We all belong to God, and to Him we shall return,
It's God who granted me this, and I'm certainly not more Merciful than Him."

Despite the feeling of great loss that echoed through her entire body, she still held on to God. Seeing this most profound calamity of losing her infant nothing but another test of this life.

I'm speechless. In fact I'm heading home today cutting my ER stay short because of what I've just grasped. A lesson that shall always be in my little backpack as I go through life: Faith eases it all.

I'm 21 Already

I'm 21 already and I still haven't written my first book,
Given my first Tedx talk,
Gone for my first bungee jump,
Drove my first Jaguar,
Had my first solo surgery,
Won some international badminton medal,
Swum across the Mediterranean,
Made a groundbreaking scientific discovery,
Granted parents tickets to an around-the-world journey,


I'm 21 already and I still haven't taught my first child how to pray,
Prayed in the Aqsa,
Helped someone see their way into Islam,
Memorized the Quran
Studied the Sunnah thoroughly.


I might have not gotten farther than the first few chapters in my book
I might have not tried any but an awesome turbo-driven VW
I might have only helped out on surgeries,
Won some stupid 8th grade badminton matches,
Swum 3 km in a row,
Discovered how fast food debris rot when I don't do the dishes one week in a row,
Driven parents only to a few of their rendezvous,
Taught my little sister to pray Qiyyam,
Prayed in Meccah,
Introduced a few atheists to Islam,
Memorized few chapters of the Quran,
Read few Sunnah books.


When I was complaisant and little, I had lots of ambitions.
Perhaps,chronologically, I'm a little behind on my schedule of achievements but what soothes my soul is deep faith that one day, inshaAllah, my little dreams will blossom into beautiful realities.
Let that day be soon or late. I'm keeping my faith strong and steady.

That

Pretty much self-explanatory.

صيحات نجاحنا

"زرقة بحيراتنا
و صفاء أحلامنا
علاء أهدافنا و التصميم

و من سمرة جباهنا
و جمال صبرنا،
ثمرة جهدنا
حلم قديم...

و من دموع سواعدنا
ضحكات عيوننا
صيحات نجاحنا حلم عظيم"


Lyrics of some very old cartoon song!
Inspiring enough for me :)

"What Is This Life, Is Full of Care,We Have No Time to Stand and Stare?

Have you no time to ponder wonderingly on the height of the skies?

Have you no time to smile gracefully at the beauty of the dark night stars?

Have you no time to appreciate the sound of absolute nothingness?
The smell of the rain off the highway, as you drive back home on a cold rainy day?
The grimace of a baby following its first breath, ever so peaceful, ever so plain?
The beauty of little school girls rocking their backpacks on their morning walk to school, cuddled together, chatting forever?
The wrinkles of an old man spreading out in a thankful smile as you slow down, making for him a way?
The endearing glimmer of your Mum's
eyes as you come home having run errands for her, all day?
The squeezing hug of a 10 year old sister as she welcomes you, regardless all your dismay?
The muscle strain at the end of your workout, albeit being too much of a pain?


Have you no time to breathe in the morning graceful breeze, as you walk across Gama'a Bridge?

Have you no time to look up at the flock of birds, ever so bold and free?

Have you no time to grasp the pain of others, and wipe it off with a smile of yours?
The misery of mothers bearing sick kids, and lighten it up with a word or two of reassurance that you can feign?
The aching hearts of the homeless, and drop a penny or two before they even complain?

Have you no time to cherish the happy moments with those you love, striving to please them and swelling with pride knowing your attempts weren't in vain?

Have you no time to see the love couples are being driven with, ever so beautifully, ever so swiftly?
The barking of a dog protecting her little babies?
The cracked-up hands of a carpenter, bleeding, yet blessed with contentment for his righteousness?


In the midst of our lives, moments pass by almost like a blur, we're often too preoccupied to notice those little things that are just so inherently beautiful...little things that add contrast to our lives, making us more aware of the blessings we have, and coloring up new portraits to be hung next to the endless tales of our own...

"What is this life, is full of care,we have no time to stand and stare?"
-W.H. Davies

A Splash of Enthusiasm

  

  Every time I set out to jot down some negative nonsense, I recoil and try to splash my blogposts with enthusiastic vibes instead.
 So let me just make today's positive vibe: "God knows what lies in our hearts, He oversees our desires, and He surely is about to bless us with out-of-this-world exhilirating preprations"
Sabr, Patience, is all what we have to hold close.
Oh Grant it, ya Allah <3

Safely Set Ashore

It's late afternoon again.
This time I'm walking on the Gama'a bridge. It's a bit sunny but an invigorating breeze sets the weather just right.
My earphones are plugged in, as usual. I'm listening to this Nasheed, a most serene one, full to the brim of solemn prayers, ones that I have listened to repetitively, repeated too often and cried out in my prostrations.
I turn to look at the Nile. Soothing.
So silent...marching in absolute solitude, purposefully.
I wondered how long has it been since I felt this quiet? So quiet, almost Nile-like, not bothering to swear at the sun rays vaporizing away its water, nor to eye those trashing their empty food wrappers at it...it's been a long while indeed.
I breathe in so deeply, feeling how minute I am in this vast universe. So very negligible, yet out of all those creatures out there, I've been honored by being a Muslim. Out of all the pranksters, I've been destined to join a dead-serious college. Out of all the medstudents, I've been made to marvel on His creation, grasping the beauty in each living being, and appreciating the gift of life.
Flashes of life passed by as I crossed to the opposite side of the road. Five years have slipped by since I came to my own homeland, feeling outcast and forlorn. I kept reminiscing on eclectic memories, my first body to dissect, my first scrubbing into a surgery, my first mattress suture, my first attending normal labor, my very first touching a cyanotic preterm baby, trying to stimulate its breathing, my first time parting from a bestfriend, gosh memories hit me so hard I felt dizzy but SubhanAllah is this how it shall be like my first-and certainly last-time dying?
Shall my entire life be solidified into slides passing by in a blur? Will I be made proud of those little scenes? Will I bite my fingertips off in vain, in shame? Will I have something meaningful and worthy to offer My Lord?
I pray the few breaths I have left on this earth will be spent in pleasing Allah Subhana Wa Ta'laa, I pray that my ship safely sets ashore.

الا رحمةً ترجى؟

"وَخُلِقَ الْإِنْسَانُ ضَعِيفاً"

ما اروعه من كتاب!

كلما تمعنت في قرائته كلما أزددت حبا لرسولي-صلى الله عليه و سلم-بل و ازدت شوقا و تلهفا لأرحم كل من استطعت في حياتي...لم أدر انني كنت سأبكي حينما رأيت الالام الأمهات في مستشفي الأطفال...لم أكن ادرك اني سأشعر بأروع احساس في العالم حينما ألاعب  طفلا مريضا بألعاب صغيرة أشتريتها لهم.

بفضل الله, عشت أسبوعا من أروع أسابيع حياتي...أستشعر ضعف و حاجة من حولي, و احاول ان امدهم بما تستطيعه نفسي الضعيفة, فوالله  أبدلني ربي خيرا من كل ما كنت أتوقعه...ها انا ذا انزل من بيتي كل صباح اتوق لمساعدة من استطيع,  لرسم الأبتسامة على ..

وجه من أقابله, أحاول جاهدة ان أزكي نفسي عن كل ما قد يشوبها...أحاول ان أتعلم, أتيقن, و أن أحيا على منهج الرحمة.

ها انا ذا ارى في قلوب من حولي حبا لا أستحقه...و تقديرا لن استطيع ان اقبله لنفس مثل نفسي, ارى فيهم نعمً انعم الله بها علي...فهم 

حولي  مهما تباعدت المسافات بيننا, هم لي ذخر عند الحاجة و اذان صاغية عند اضطرابي...اراهم يحبون جميل ستر الله علي...

اللهم ارزقني حبك و حب من يحبك و حب عمل يقربني الى حبك

Reach Out for That Which Is Closer

At times of need, we turn around hastily to those around us. We pound on doors and they're slammed shut in our faces. We race uphill and cry for rain to fall down and revive us and we're merely met by the pitch black skies.

At times of need, we turn to that which seems closest, within hand-reach...yet we're deceived by the "apparent" closeness of things, aren't we?

Allah says in the Quran:

"و لقد خلقنا الإنسان و نعلم ما توسوس به نفسه و نحن اقرب اليه من حبل الوريد"
"It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his nafs (self) makes for him: for We're nearer to him than (his) jugular vein. "

Subhanah Allah...when we reach out for any worldy thing for anchor, let it be man, place, feeling, etc...we're not only seeking refuge in that which is weaker and fallible, we're going right PAST He Who's closer to us than our own jugular vein to that which is way farther.
Man! We're in so much vain.

فصيلة دم أمتنا

"إن فصيلة دم امتنا هي الإيمان، و يوم ان يضعف الإيمان و يتمكن الهوى و حب الدنيا من قلوب أبنائها، فإنها بذلك تفقد مصدر قوتها و تميزها على سائر الامم، و ليس ذلك فحسب، بل ضعف الإيمان و غلبة الهوى من شأنه استدعاء غضب الله عليها، لأنها بهذا الضعف لن تستطيع ان تبلغ رسالته، و من ثم فان العقوبات ستتولى عليها إلى ان تفيق من غفلتها و تعود لايمانها من جديد لتنطلق بعد ذلك حاملة الدواء الرباني، و رسالة الرحمة و الشفاء للمرضى و التائهين و الحيارى في شتى بقاع الأرض."
-مجدي الهلالي

Steal Time Outta Your Own

Steal time outta your life to make those you care about KNOW you do.

Steal time to love your parents, drive them around when you're dead tired yet dead grateful.

Steal time to laugh, pray, and read.

Steal time to write your dreams in the darkest of the nights, sprinkle them with hope dust, and leave them to sparkle.

Steal the time to write a bunch of words that remind you every now and then that you're alive, breathing, loving, and thankful.

Raison d'être

" يا أيها الناس ضُرب مثل فاستمعوا له إن الذين تدعون
من دون الله لن يخلقوا ذبابا ولو اجتمعوا له و إن يسلبهم الذباب شيئا لا يستنفذوه منه ضعف الطالب و المطلوب"

"The message of this verse is deeply profound. Every time you run after, or seek petition something weak or feeble (which, by definition, is everything other than Allah), you too become weak or feeble. Even if you do reach that whic you seek, it will never be enough. You'll soon need to seek something else. You'll never
reach true contentment or satisfaction.
That's why we live in a world of trade-ins and upgrades. Your phone, your car, your computer, your woman, your man, can always be traded in for a newer better model.
However there's is a freedom from that
slavery. When the object upon which you place all your weight is unshaking, unbreakable, and unending, you can't fall. You can't break..."

-Reclaim Your Heart, Yamin Mogahed

So yeah. When our raison d'être( reason for existing) is merely holding on to The Strongest, we won't ever break,
بل ستأتينا الدنيا و هي راغمة.

Utter Silence

Moments of absolute solitude teach me more than any companionship ever did.
Man-free era makes one's soul transcend in the companionship of its Lord...albeit being the best company, its mostly the one drowned in oblivion.

ليه أبدا حياتي غلط مادام ممكن ابدئها صح؟

"ظبط-تعش-تنتعش".
مبدأ يبدو ان معظم الشباب-الا من رحم ربي-ماشي عليه.
يفضل حضرتو "معلق" بنت-بالكلام المعسول و الاهتمام البالغ- في وقت هي أكيد محتاجة الرعاية دي...ما هو سبحان الله ربنا فطرنا على كده، تلين قلوبنا لمن يشعرنا بالاهتمام و يلين لنا الجانب، و بعدين بعد وقت "التسلية" ما ينقضي، ترجع البنت مكسورة الخاطر و هو يدور على فريسة أخرى و هكذا...
بس هو الواحد عمره ما سأل نفسه، إلى اين انتي ذاهبة يا نفسي؟
هو ازاي تتعلقي بأحدٍ و ربنا أصلا وضح لنا الطريق-الحلال بين و الحرام بين...
مفيش في إسلامنا حاجة اسمها "نقضيها كده سؤال على بعض لغاية ما ربنا بقى يكرمنا"
ليه ابدأ حياتي بغضب و سخط من المولى-و أكيد من غير بركة منه- في حياة أتمنى ان تدوم إلى أبد الآبدين...
انبيع انفسنا برخص التراب و بمقابل غضب الله علينا؟


-ده ملخص حديثي مع أصدقائي لما رأيناه في مجتمعنا الجامعي على صغر و الإسلامي على نطاق أوسع، لم استطع الا ان اكتب كلمات لعل و عسى اذكر بها نفسي و غيري...أليست الذكرى تنفع المؤمنين.

و يبقى دعائي أبدا
"اللهم اربط على قلبي برباط التقوى" :)

سجدة شكر-A Prostration of Gratitude

It's late afternoon, my friend and I are gathered around a hepatic failure patient with such a brilliant internist.
He's illiciting different signs of hepatic failure and this lady walks into the dormitory.
A black Abbiyah is most of what I could see of her. She's holding a drug prescription...
"it costs 200+" she mutters, her eyes pleading.
She's been to every single pharmacy. They won't grant it for the few pounds she has to offer. Her husband is dying already expecting the treatment.
Our internist takes a look at the parchment in her hands, instantaneously takes out 200 pounds outta his pocket and gives it to her.
She stares back, unbelievingly.
"The money is not mine, it really isn't." was his answer to her on-the-verge-of-tears-look.
She immediately falls down prostrating...

What was more than touching is the fact that he didn't even question her asking of money...he didn't ponder over the very
possible fact that this might be a prank.
He merely gave out the money, and she prostrated.

My friend and I almost went down to prostrate along with her...for such singular acts are rare. Rare and totally overwhelming...

A Bumpy Ride

Here's the thing about life, we live its ups and downs, laugh at times of happiness and weep at times of misery, we keep tripping...we're scathed, but we still bounce back and get rolling...this whole "mosaic" of life comes to an end one day when our bodies are wrapped up in a white coffin to trashed under the earth with all what we originally belong to...dust.

Can't you see the pity we're in? A baby's first breath is a cry, a mere prophecy of the life lying ahead of him...

I'm no a pessimist, although pessimism might seem only rational to deal with such a life. I'm rather holding bottomless optimism within the little chambers of my heart, a strong belief that it's all worthwhile...that's it's all Allah's plan to get me through such finite world into a splendid paradise...for without grief you can't understand happiness, without ignorance you can't appreciate knowledge and without distance you can't ever value intimacy...

Pave My Way

I know one thing for sure.
When piety paves ones's road, thee shall never go astray.
A dear verse insha'Allah shall be my companion:
"ربنا أفرغ علينا صبرا و توفنا مسلمين"

Unshakable Faith

There are qualities that awe me. Perhaps because I've been trying for so long to possess them, only to end up with an ounce of them, or maybe less.
One very attractive quality is having an unshakable trust in Allah subhanah wa talaa, what's merrier than a belief that no matter how stormy the night becomes, a Lord is up there, sailing your boat through the monstrous sea.
Faith brings about serenity, something I feel I've been running low on lately.
May Allah grant us all an amazingly powerful store of faith, one that could always be replenished at all times, at all places.
Amen.

Cues Everywhere

We get the cues, don't we?
Cues that tomorrow is just so breathtakingly beautiful. That we shall walk down our roads, with the best company ever.
Cues that no matter how much we sin, Allah shall always be Forgiving and Merciful.

We get the cues, oh don't we?
Cues that an end lies to every misery. That happiness shall come barging in through our front doors with no permission whatsoever.

They're just everywhere, patience is all what we need. Simple it may sound...but painstaking it really is.

I get the cues, but do you?

Away and Free

The more the roads I tread in this life, the dirtier my soul becomes.
The more the days I breathe away, the more malformed my little conscience becomes.

I just wish to find a way outta this world, for perhaps all the dust hovering over our little souls will cease to exist once were away... away and free.

At Times Like These

At times like these, I wish I had a faithful companion.
But again, isn't it in the nature of mankind to betray?

The One Man I loved

 I'm six and I could barely keep my balance on the little bicycle, but he's there whispering into my tiny ears that I can really go on without those supporters. I'm baffled, I look into his eyes and all I glimpse is looks of belief...unshakable trust in me, so I let go of his hand and kick off...only to fall down and hurt my right shin...He refuses to give up...a few more nights and I'm mastering this little art of bicycling...

In a an elite suburban casted on a fairly higher land, he takes me to roller-skate.
Now he really sucks at roller-skating; never been able to stand up straight for an ordinary morning stroll, but he's having his sneakers on and my a blue pair of roller-skates and I skate away tweaking my performance into semi-perfection and he -like always- awaits me at the end if the long slope with arms spread wide open...

I honestly don't know what you see in me that makes you have so much hope in me. I've never been able to pay you back fair enough...I'm 21 already and I still sulk when you don't grant me what I want...I've been blessed by you, may you see me prosper one day, dad.


May I make your dream of getting back our Aqsa a living reality...

A Morning Stroll Down the Aisles of History

Is there any better way to start off a day than praying, reading Quran only to end off within the priceless pages of a history book?

Islamic history enchants me. Even though my poor memory hardly grasps all the details of the renaissance, downfalls and catastrophes throughout history, every time I delve deeper I realize that history truely and powerfully repeats itself.

"ماذا خسر العالم بانحطاط المسلمين"
"What Did the World Lose by the Downfall of Muslims"
(4shared link: http://www.4shared.com/office/rj9iqL1t/____.htm)

This books is THE book to read if you're looking to better understand the quenching-ly miserable state muslims are brewing themselves in at the monent. I can't believe I'm hardly done with the first few pages, yet I'm having an overwhelming desire to quote every little word of it. I'm not sure there shall be an uprising in the Muslim world if Muslims like ourselves didn't treat themselves to such books, bringing about an ideal sophrosyne into the troubled waters we're all sailing through.
We've been long impoverished by our lack of knowledge and the overriding worldly desires. It's about time, I trust, that we get up, rub the dirt off our minds, and fuel our souls with an honest desire to change.
Lets remember, my friends, that Allah oversees it all. That shall He see our endeavors, he'll undoubtedly help us through.

"و لكن لم يكن انحطاط المسلمين ووال دولتهم و ركود ريحهم- و هم حملة رسالة الأنبياء، و هم للعالم البشري كالعافية للجسم الإنساني- انحطاط شعب أو عنصر أو قومية، فما أهون خطبه و ما أخف وقعه، و اكن انحطاط رسالة هي للمجتمع البشري كالروح، و انهيار دعامة قام عليها نظام الدين و الدنيا. "
-ماذا خسر العالم بانحطاط المسلمين

لن تخذلني

مالي أراني أفقد ثقتي في كل البشر؟
ليس لي سواك ربي
لن تخذلني...

Within My Heart of Hearts

There's a land within my heart.
It's picturesque.
Rivers flow by, strong and full of life
Mountains are silhouetted against moonlight.
Its dark and bright, both at the same time, place, and being.
Wooden shelves stretch out, full of old books, parchment rolls, and novels telling tales of lives lived lovingly.
Serenaded by those I love, we sing.
Our voices mingle with the crispy breeze of autumn afternoons; we sing stories of our past lives, crack up on those little
incidents that got to us, wipe away tears of happiness remembering the generous paying-off of the long tiresome days.

Within my heart of hearts, lies sound dreams and a green place full of hope; hope for a cheerful tomorrow, a tomorrow that , inshaaAllah, won't be scarred a bit by the tasteless blurs of today.

Time to Heal

It's about time I dig up for myself somewhere real quiet and serene...it's about time I hide.
I cuddle up with a book at daytime, and pray at night.
Candlelight and a mug of warm chocolate make my solemn mates.
It's about time I lie low, it's about time I hide.

Ever So Clear

AlhmduelAllah.

Unravelled!
Yes! It's all unravelled for me now, unmistakingly-clear is my future.
I can see myself doing all what I've always wanted to do, hitting those milestones ever so peacefuly.
I can see myself, befadl Allah, overcoming all those obstacles that have long diverted my eyes away from my dearest wish in life.
I can see myself memorizing the whole Quran...
I can clearly peek into my future ERs, Alkhalil, Baitlahm, Al Aqsa.
Oh Allah...gimme the strength, gimme the perseverance.

Verily

"إِنَّهُ مَنْ يَتَّقِ وَيَصْبِرْ فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُضِيعُ أَجْرَ الْمُحْسِنِين"

 "Verily, he who fears Allâh with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allâh makes not the reward of the Muhsinûn (good-doers - see V.2:112) to be lost."

It's a balm to the soul...knowing that after all this suffering, patience is paid back for highly by our Lord. He promised not to waste the good deeds of good-doers.

May Allh grant us the patience it takes to get through this world unscathed...

Reaction-less

We should practice being silent a bit more often.
Silence our desires, and prick our ears up the sound of the universe, circling around us ever so harmoniously teaching us lessons, carving its beauty in the deep lines of our faces...

In the Midst of It All

 It's when you've expected yourself to be downright crippled when those, who once meant the world to you, walk away, it's only then when you realize how miraculous it is to have Allah in the hustle of our lives, caring for us beyond any measurable means.