A sleepless night

Alas i know my way. I know where I'm heading, oh it's so bitter. So painstaking. It's totally hard. I'll persevere, by God's will, I know I will, it's no longer an option.

Perseverance has become an obligation.

My eyes have been shielded from you.
My soul blocked off from righteousness...
It's all because of that much of 'donya' that has seeped into my existence. Deeds unaccounted for. Bounties bestowed upon me, unthanked for. Oh I can see my path so clear from where I'm standing now. What is this feeling within,however? A pang of fear?!

I used to fear the unknown. But now that I KNOW ,why do I feel this much of fright? I'm afraid i might go astray again. I'm afraid that should my heart stiffen once again, i'll find no way back to right-headeness.

Repentance always paves the way for any change I opt for. Long hours of reflection. Tears and prayers. I prayed that Allah gives me back that feeling of compassion I have always had towards this Ummah. Prayed that He shall take away this apathetic me that i have turned into. He answered my prayers. He always did.

Gaza has been under attack once again. 3 am in the morning and I'm already sitting by myself, crying in silence. I feel the grief of the newly-orphaned. I share the pain of the bleeding. I'm in pain. So much of it. And so is my Ummah.
I'll pray, for one day I'll share not only these pains, but also the elation of a victory that follows close in. Oh Allah. Ya Rab.

Bedraggled

She sat cross-legged on her bed at the ophthalmology ward.

Her clothes were bedraggled and she had her head-veil carelessly wrapped around her wise face.Deep lines spread all over her face told tales of a life she's led.She felt content as she turned to look at her youthful daughter sitting on her side..."No dear it's alright,she mutters.."Ana kweysa, ana kweysa" "I'm good ,I'm good"

She smiled at me.I introduced myself...A medstudent who's here to examine her eyes,only if she didn't mind.I stretched my hand out to shake hers.Her face lit up,and she knelt down and kissed my hand.I officially panicked and took my hand back right away.

I leaned down and hugged her...she almost wept,and so did I.

Over and over I'm met by stereotypical egyptians.Some who have been brought up to believe that a Physician is a 'Hakeem',a 'Wise man'.Someone who deserves all the respect and gratitude there is to offer.My grandpa used to shake only "fingers" with patients who were nothing but farmers...To him,people were categorized.Gestures were tailored according to the social standards.That sets me at so much unease.

Frankly speaking,I find categorizing fellow humans an utterly obscene act.We're way too shortsighted and under-equipped to judge others.We judge people by their looks,accents,clothes, and levels of education. Let me tell you that some of the most wonderful human beings reside in the poorest of districts,dress up in the cheapest of clothes,and perhaps possess little,if any knowledge of those mindblowing scientific achievements.Taqwah (Piety) sets them at a higher standard than any other mid-class or high-class citizens.They have morals.Strong hellbent ethical norms.Allah has them at higher levels within His books.They're light years ahead of us.

Next time you set off to judge a person,remember that sometimes the most astounding human features are not merely displayed on their outsides.They might be buried deep in their souls,hidden as parcels of good-manners that show up if you give them a chance.Or they might be scribbled down in books so sacred that they're in the possession of angels.Angels who jot down every bit of act we do.Careful what you do.For I know that one day I'll be desperate for a single good deed.You never know if you ever will be,too.

Hardheadedness

Down through the days,I keep learning .For I try and I err.I try,err and eventually I learn.

Hardheadedness doesn't spring from foulmouth-ness. Neither it does from 'apparent' independence. 

Hardheadedness,in my opinion,comes along by acknowledging the boundaries of your own very existence.It's having a zeal for discovering those little pitfalls in your personality,accepting them and ultimately overcoming them.For that ,at the end of the day, makes you indifferent to sentiments.Better yet,it sets you up as a realistic earthling.One with a thinking so critical that life seems to flash by as a set of playing cards.You know which card to play already.

Hardheadedness is good.It shields one from the cheeky.I cant put up with impertinence.I just can't.

Meh...