Stark realization.

Cause at times like these, words fail a lot.

Pensiveness

"Is it happening already?" she said, with her wrinkled face giving away a purely innocent look of puzzlement. Puzzlement topped with fear, and mingled with a pinch of helplessness. She looked at her sweetheart, lying on the hospital bed, too weak to turn his debilitated body around so as to face her. Bed sores spread all over his elbows and knees. He was weak. Far too weak and sick. His clothes were bedraggled and his silvery hair uncombed. He wept.

I looked at her, that pensiveness of hers overwhelmed me. It got me to see the life they've led through her eyes. Trials at cooking, days of passion, sun rays touching down at late afternoon, at the terrace where they sat down, drinking tea and a blue day when his mum passed away, he sat by her side, weeping. She said she'll always be there for him. That she did.

Now his days are coming to an end, and she refuses to see it.

Annihilation

Just a quickie to always remind myself that satan is real weak and fragile. I shouldn't ever delve into misery or helplessness. For as long as there's God out there, all Strong and Powerful, helplessness is annihilated and a shimmering hope prevails.

Keep it in mind, bud.
Hope, have faith and go out there, blossom.

Skedaddle

A rule of thumb in childrearing is ‘Withholding’. A kid will throw a tantrum if they’re not instantaneously given what they want. Parents usually “enthrone” their kids by resigning to what they want. That’d be downright stupid and naïve. You’re not to commiserate with them, nor grant them what they wish at their first show of disapproval. Teach them patience by ‘withholding’ from their tiny fists what they’re aching to get. Life has rules; you don’t get what you desire by pouting. You persevere, do your homework and then bounties will pile up at your doorstep…And sure enough, when they do, you’ll be ever so grateful and you’ll both value and enjoy them a great deal.

Budding kids reside within each and every one of us. Their shrewdness and neediness is no where less than that of the chronologically younger. You assuage your “Inner kid’s” thirst and hallelujah! You’ve just become enslaved to its senseless temperament and moot discrepancies.

There’s somehow an unsightly magic in standing up against your desires. When you feel a burning desire to commit wrongdoing and you right away skedaddle to the OPPOSITE direction, a little something blooms within… This thing gives you a considerable sum of control over your future whims. It tames them. It gives you mastery. It gives you the upper hand.

So I’m reminding myself, constantly, that whenever I don’t acquiesce to every little whim, one day I’ll be serenaded by what I long for…and all the perseverance I've put in shall be worthwhile.

“(7) By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it;
(8) And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right
(9) Truly he succeeds that purifies it,
(10) And he fails that corrupts it!”

-Ash-Shams

A sleepless night

Alas i know my way. I know where I'm heading, oh it's so bitter. So painstaking. It's totally hard. I'll persevere, by God's will, I know I will, it's no longer an option.

Perseverance has become an obligation.

My eyes have been shielded from you.
My soul blocked off from righteousness...
It's all because of that much of 'donya' that has seeped into my existence. Deeds unaccounted for. Bounties bestowed upon me, unthanked for. Oh I can see my path so clear from where I'm standing now. What is this feeling within,however? A pang of fear?!

I used to fear the unknown. But now that I KNOW ,why do I feel this much of fright? I'm afraid i might go astray again. I'm afraid that should my heart stiffen once again, i'll find no way back to right-headeness.

Repentance always paves the way for any change I opt for. Long hours of reflection. Tears and prayers. I prayed that Allah gives me back that feeling of compassion I have always had towards this Ummah. Prayed that He shall take away this apathetic me that i have turned into. He answered my prayers. He always did.

Gaza has been under attack once again. 3 am in the morning and I'm already sitting by myself, crying in silence. I feel the grief of the newly-orphaned. I share the pain of the bleeding. I'm in pain. So much of it. And so is my Ummah.
I'll pray, for one day I'll share not only these pains, but also the elation of a victory that follows close in. Oh Allah. Ya Rab.

Bedraggled

She sat cross-legged on her bed at the ophthalmology ward.

Her clothes were bedraggled and she had her head-veil carelessly wrapped around her wise face.Deep lines spread all over her face told tales of a life she's led.She felt content as she turned to look at her youthful daughter sitting on her side..."No dear it's alright,she mutters.."Ana kweysa, ana kweysa" "I'm good ,I'm good"

She smiled at me.I introduced myself...A medstudent who's here to examine her eyes,only if she didn't mind.I stretched my hand out to shake hers.Her face lit up,and she knelt down and kissed my hand.I officially panicked and took my hand back right away.

I leaned down and hugged her...she almost wept,and so did I.

Over and over I'm met by stereotypical egyptians.Some who have been brought up to believe that a Physician is a 'Hakeem',a 'Wise man'.Someone who deserves all the respect and gratitude there is to offer.My grandpa used to shake only "fingers" with patients who were nothing but farmers...To him,people were categorized.Gestures were tailored according to the social standards.That sets me at so much unease.

Frankly speaking,I find categorizing fellow humans an utterly obscene act.We're way too shortsighted and under-equipped to judge others.We judge people by their looks,accents,clothes, and levels of education. Let me tell you that some of the most wonderful human beings reside in the poorest of districts,dress up in the cheapest of clothes,and perhaps possess little,if any knowledge of those mindblowing scientific achievements.Taqwah (Piety) sets them at a higher standard than any other mid-class or high-class citizens.They have morals.Strong hellbent ethical norms.Allah has them at higher levels within His books.They're light years ahead of us.

Next time you set off to judge a person,remember that sometimes the most astounding human features are not merely displayed on their outsides.They might be buried deep in their souls,hidden as parcels of good-manners that show up if you give them a chance.Or they might be scribbled down in books so sacred that they're in the possession of angels.Angels who jot down every bit of act we do.Careful what you do.For I know that one day I'll be desperate for a single good deed.You never know if you ever will be,too.

Hardheadedness

Down through the days,I keep learning .For I try and I err.I try,err and eventually I learn.

Hardheadedness doesn't spring from foulmouth-ness. Neither it does from 'apparent' independence. 

Hardheadedness,in my opinion,comes along by acknowledging the boundaries of your own very existence.It's having a zeal for discovering those little pitfalls in your personality,accepting them and ultimately overcoming them.For that ,at the end of the day, makes you indifferent to sentiments.Better yet,it sets you up as a realistic earthling.One with a thinking so critical that life seems to flash by as a set of playing cards.You know which card to play already.

Hardheadedness is good.It shields one from the cheeky.I cant put up with impertinence.I just can't.

Meh...