Alas i know my way. I know where I'm heading, oh it's so bitter. So painstaking. It's totally hard. I'll persevere, by God's will, I know I will, it's no longer an option.
Perseverance has become an obligation.
My eyes have been shielded from you.
My soul blocked off from righteousness...
It's all because of that much of 'donya' that has seeped into my existence. Deeds unaccounted for. Bounties bestowed upon me, unthanked for. Oh I can see my path so clear from where I'm standing now. What is this feeling within,however? A pang of fear?!
I used to fear the unknown. But now that I KNOW ,why do I feel this much of fright? I'm afraid i might go astray again. I'm afraid that should my heart stiffen once again, i'll find no way back to right-headeness.
Repentance always paves the way for any change I opt for. Long hours of reflection. Tears and prayers. I prayed that Allah gives me back that feeling of compassion I have always had towards this Ummah. Prayed that He shall take away this apathetic me that i have turned into. He answered my prayers. He always did.
Gaza has been under attack once again. 3 am in the morning and I'm already sitting by myself, crying in silence. I feel the grief of the newly-orphaned. I share the pain of the bleeding. I'm in pain. So much of it. And so is my Ummah.
I'll pray, for one day I'll share not only these pains, but also the elation of a victory that follows close in. Oh Allah. Ya Rab.
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