At a l'heure bleue

Look at this!
Look at my life,look at yours.Yesterday was very beautiful,I'd build up anything I wanted.My dreams ran wild,my thoughts free,my imagination untamed,my soul could breathe.But today...why the hell is today so real?


Unleashed was my life.I would create a whole perfect life within my own.I'd paint it pink,furnish it with my aspiration,color it up with my enthusiasm,portrait it as a funland,a loveland...It was a pink world.It was my perfect little world.


Hatred never existed there.Neither did misery.If I let you in,you'd have to first strip off your insipid namby-pambiness at my doorstep.I used to play games too.The good type if you ask me.Swimming was my way to delve into just about anything I wanted.I would swim at day and night.Whenever the water is freezing,I would dive right in,swim away in freestyle.I hated backstroke.Why face the ceiling when there's so much to see in the crystal clear blue water? Butterfly would give me cramps.Freestyle was my thing.I loved it.I would keep constructing my perfect world while swimming.Make amendments to it,fill it up with twinkling beauty.I loved my world.

My real life was somehow lusterless.Studies.School.Family.Sports club.BOOKS! Whoever invented books is a beast.Throughout my life,I've read tens and tens of books,zillions of magazines,endless number of articles...BOOOKS!Hardcovers.Paperbacks.Novels. Psychology.Medicine.Sports.Statistics. Every single book embroidered a new page in my life.Some of these pages were long parchments.Others were dog-eared.Most of them,however,were singular pages.You wont see these pages anywhere.They're far too pretty to be peeked upon.I can show you into them,though...I need to like you first.Maybe I would someday.


My stepping into adulthood is magical.No.I've never left my scrapbook in my teens-backpack.I still carry it around.But I have responsibilities now.Grownups' stuff.Boring,but sophisticated.I enjoy them much.They build me up,They make me the person I wanna be.They make me the person this world is aching to have.I'll ease your pains one day,by God's will.I suffer at times so I would be capable of stopping your pain.To me failure is to stand in front of you, helpless.I need to learn things,pretty medical things.They might help you one day,they should.I'll ease your pains one day,by God's will.


Driving is cool.Its my vent at times.Boring monotonous acts,with the littlest bit of mischief, can become exhilarating.Everyday as I drive these long hours,I can see  myself along this splendid timeline.Milestones are scattered here and there.Sorry,they're PUT there on purpose.They're cheerful and so tempting.They are my little pearls.I tend to pass by them in a jiffy,every now and then.I smile as I go past them.I just wanna see them there,seek their sheen,and suck in some perseverance.They make my life purposeful.You need to have milestones,they're nice things to have.


So its only been a week into my third round, Ophthalmology,and I've already diagnosed half of my family members with whopping eye problems.Arcus senilis and a tiny crescent of pannus in my dad's eye.T3 in my mum's.A tiny pretty pinguecula in my older sister's.And keratoconus somewhere else.My upbeat mood has showed off on them all.They were all chatting away happily,as they marveled on the little "beauties" (as I put it to them) their eyes revealed.They've lived for so long with cool stuff that albeit being inside their eyes,they couldn't see them.I told them that was another asset.Seeing any of these is somehow deemed a corneal opacity,which by the way is NOT cool.

My perfect lil life has receded a bit.Overwhelmed by the reality of everyday's life,my cheerful portrait couldn't fully stand its grounds.That's fine.As long as it's lingering somewhere in the vicinity,perfectly set up for my desperate runaways.I thank God for giving me this little bit of treasure.It renders me crazy at times.reckless at others.but at everyday's l'heure bleue,I stand grateful...

Alhmduel Allah.